Me, Afraid?

Back when I was a little girl, one of the things that terrified me most was the sound of an ambulance siren. One of the privileges of staying with my granny was that I got to carry Papa’s lunch or dinner to him at his store. I would carry his meal on a round tray—I can remember being so careful not to spill his coffee or to let his plate slip on that tray. It wasn’t far to his store—just next door, but I had to walk down the steps, then out the gate and across the parking lot to his store. They lived on the highway—back then, it was in the middle of the country—that is now called the ‘famous’ Woodruff Road. I can remember being on my way back to the house with Papa’s empty dishes on the tray and in the distance I could here the faint sounds of a siren coming up the highway. As it got closer and closer, I tried to move faster and faster—I can still hear those dishes rattle as I was trying to get inside before that ambulance got there. As I barely got inside the door, I breathed a sigh of relief as I looked out the window to see the vehicle from a safe vantage point. I don’t know what it was about that sound—it wasn’t like the sounds that ambulances make now—it was more long and drawn out—a real mournful sound. And the ambulances certainly don’t look like they did then—they were black and white station wagons with a red light on top—think Andy Griffin-ish.

I have always wondered why I would be afraid of something that may have the ability to save my life.

In Exodus 19 and 20, God had spoken to Moses and told him to tell the people to cleanse and consecrate themselves because the Lord was going to come to them on the third day. Well, on the third day when the people heard the thunder and saw the lightning on Mt. Sinai , they were afraid and told Moses that they didn’t want hear from God themselves, but wanted Moses to bring them the Word. The Israelites were afraid of the very One who could save them, the only One who could deliver them—and because of their fear, they received the message from Moses instead directly from the Lord.

At Deeper Still, Atlanta; Priscilla spoke on this scripture—along with several other verses—and I was really convicted that I rely on others to bring me the Word instead of digging and searching for it myself and letting God speak directly to me. It has been over 2 weeks since that Friday night, but that message is still fresh in my mind. I honestly believe that was the Word that the Lord had for me that weekend.

To be honest, it makes me afraid—afraid that I won’t be able to study the Word as well as Beth Moore could teach me, as thoroughly as Kay Arthur could teach, or as well as Priscilla Shirer could teach me. How can I dig for the nuggets? It is just overwhelming! There is so much in God’s word that I don’t know—I just pray that He would reveal what He wants me to learn. I really don't want to watch from a safe vantage point like I did with that ambulance--I want to be right in the center of where God wants me to be--even if it means being afraid--because I know that He will protect me. I also know that what He has to say to me will mean a whole lot more if I hear it for myself.