Let Your Glory Fall

The Lord has truly let His glory fall upon our church. The past week has been a time of great sorrow, grief, and uncertainty for the youth of our church. One of our youth was in a car accident that resulted in his death. It has been amazing to see the body of Christ come together and grow closer because of this tragedy. I truly believe that this tragedy will not be in vain--I believe that our church is on the cusp of revival and I believe that it is going to be awesome. God is pouring out His glory on the body of Chestnut Ridge Baptist Church and I pray that we will never be the same again.
This song brings tears to my eyes--and I noticed that Don Moen has tears in his eyes also.

Isaiah 42:8 "I am the LORD; that is my name!

I will not give my glory to another
or my praise to idols.

Waiting

I should be used to waiting by now! It seems all my life has been spent waiting on others.

The first instance that I can remember waiting involved my grandmother. I was very close to “Granny”—I spent every available moment with her. I would have lived with her when I was little if I could have! In fact, after my papa died when I was 11, I did practically live with her because she afraid to stay alone. Anyway, when I was 6 or 7 years old, Granny and my aunt and uncle were going to the lake for the weekend. They asked me if I would like to go and of course I said yes, but I had to go ask my mama and get some clothes together. We lived just across a big pasture from Granny, so I ran home and hurriedly threw some things together and hurried back to Granny’s. When I got there, her door was locked and no one was home. Papa had a store right next door and he was there but he said he didn’t know if Granny and Cookie (my aunt) had left yet—maybe they had to run back to Cookie’s house to pick up something? Well, I sat there on the curb at the gas pumps for hours—everyone that came by asked what I was doing and I enthusiastically told them that I was going to the lake with my granny. I remember watching the road—I can see myself watching every car that came across the bridge from toward my aunt’s house thinking that this would be them. Looking back, I wonder why my papa didn’t just tell me to go on home—I guess he didn’t want to see me cry?? Finally at dark, I headed home—rejected and so disappointed.

This is my granny with my cousin, Alan and me at the lake after a productive day of fishing. (Notice the kerchief--my Granny insisted on covering your head in the wind--might get an earache or catch a cold!)

It seems this started a pattern in my life—just put what I want to do on hold while I wait on others to come and rescue me. I have always been afraid to make plans because there might be no one to show up—or someone else may have something better planned. It disturbs me that I have allowed this fear to control my life—the fear of rejection—of being left behind—of being disappointed. Eddie learned a long time ago that anytime he mentions doing something—like going fishing or buying a piece of furniture or looking at cars—he may as well go ahead and get ready because if he says anything about it, I think we are going to do it right then! Don’t mention to me that you might want to do something, because once I hear it—I am ready to go and I think that is because I am afraid that you might go without me. I am almost always early to special events because I am afraid of being left out—especially if there is a group that is meeting to travel together somewhere.

The Lord has me waiting on Him in this season of my life. I have heard Him call me to lead a Bible study, but I am waiting on Him to reveal the ones that I am supposed to approach to invite to join. This is very stressing to me—to know that I am supposed to do this but when? Who? Will they come? What if …? I can only trust that the Lord will reveal His will and pray that I will be obedient to walk in it. The difference between waiting on people and waiting on the Lord is that I know the Lord will not leave me nor will He forsake me. He has promised me that He will always be with me and that His word says that He will fill me with joy in His presence. I praise Him that He is faithful and merciful--He is holy and just and without Him, I would be without hope.

Psalm 33:20-22

20 We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.

21 In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.

22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in you.

The More I Seek Him

Amanda has a post that really captures some of the feelings that I have when I think of running into people who knew me before Christ cleaned up my life. Isaiah 61 has been a passage that has brought me comfort. I have always cared too much about what others think of me and have avoided stepping out in faith because of that. There have been things that I know that I could be doing that I am not because of that fear. I blame my lack of obedience on my personality--not a leader, non-confrontational, people-pleaser, analytical, and the list goes on. But I am reminded that most of the people that God used in the Bible had some sort of personality issue--Peter was wishy-washy, Moses had trouble speaking, Paul was a persecutor of Christians, David was an adulterer and a murderer, and I could go on and on. The point is, if God can take imperfect people like that and use them as He did, then God can clearly use me for His purpose. Even though my sins were as scarlet, they have now been washed whiter than snow; as far as the east is from the west, so have my sins been removed from me.
I am finding that the more I seek Him, the more I realize that He doesn't intend for me to worry about what other people think and whatever "baggage" I may have in my past. He only wants me to live for Him now--to use what I have learned through those experiences to help others grow closer to Him. The Lord showed me this scripture in Isaiah this morning:

Isaiah 54:2-8

2 "Enlarge the place of your tent,
stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
strengthen your stakes.

3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
your descendants will dispossess nations
and settle in their desolate cities.

4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

5 For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

6 The LORD will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected," says your God.

7 "For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

8 In a surge of anger
I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
I will have compassion on you,"
says the LORD your Redeemer.

I feel the Lord is telling me that He is telling me that He is enlarging my territory--that He is about to do something remarkable with my life. He is telling me to not be afraid--that I will not be shamed by the sins of my youth. He has called me back to Himself and He will be my strength and my fortress. He has redeemed me--Praise the name of Jesus! He has COMPASSION on me--DEEP compassion!!

Deeper Still

I am excited about going with my mama to a mother-daughter dinner at her church tonight. Debbie Sobeski is the speaker. It was quire comical when she invited me—she told me that she wanted me to come to a mother-daughter dinner but she wasn’t sure what the lady’s name was but someone at her church said that she was real good. Then she started telling me about how the lady’s daughter had died from cancer and that she had been a student at Dorman—by then I was laughing—not at the situation but at the fact that this is the third ladies’ event that I have been to this year with Debbie speaking! Mama thought I was losing my mind since I was laughing at a serious situation.

I really need to hear a fresh Word—and I am sure that Debbie will bring it. The Lord knew that I would need to hear from Him today. I have been in a funk this week—just real hormonal and emotional.

I had been looking forward to going to Deeper Still in Atlanta in June. My sister-in-law and I had talked about going to a Beth Moore conference last fall, so I found out that Atlanta would be as close as we could get this year. I asked her about it and it seemed to suit her as well, so I ordered the tickets in January. Well, yesterday I received an email from her telling me that she was not going to be able to go because it is her grandson’s birthday. I totally understand—I know that one day I hope to have a grandchild and I wouldn’t want to miss it either. I asked Eddie if he wanted to go—of course he said no—it’s a women’s thing!

I just wish that I didn’t take this kind of thing so personally. Sometimes I feel as though I am on an island but then I remember that I am never alone—Christ lives within me and He will never leave nor forsake me. I need to remember to call on Him when I am low and in need of someone. He says that He will take our load and we can rest on Him—but it doesn’t work unless we leave our load with Him and don’t pick it up again. I am so guilty of giving Him my problems, but then taking them back.

Father, I pray that I will give You all my burdens and that I will let You keep them. Lord, You know what my heart desires and no one but You could ever fulfill those desires. Please help me remember that and not expect others to fill a need that only You can fill. You have a plan for my life and I know that You desire for me to walk in Your will—allow me to have the strength to stand when I need to stand and allow me the humility to fall on You when I am weak.

*Update--my friend Emily is going with me to Atlanta. God is so good!!