Audrey Caroline

About 6-8 weeks ago, I stumbled across this blog. It is amazing! Be prepared--you will cry. The faith of this family is so amazing. God has definitely been glorified through their story. This song, "Carry You", was written by Angie and Todd along with Christa Wells who also wrote "Held" (recorded by Natalie Grant)and was recorded by Amy Perry (who sings in Selah) . The song will be on Selah's next CD to be released in the fall. I have a feeling that this song will be a hit as soon as it hits the air. I know that I will cry when I hear it because of the story behind the song. This is a slide show that was created and shown at Audrey Caroline's memorial service.

Moving On

One of the ways that Satan attacks me is through my fear of abandonment. I have always struggled to make friends—it started out in my childhood (as most of these insecurities do). As I was growing up, my sister and my cousins were my only close friends. We lived in the country and there were no little girls that lived around. At school, I was always envious of the girls that had best friends because I had never experienced that closeness of a girl that wasn’t related to me. In the sixth grade, it finally happened—I had a best friend! Her name was Teresa and I thought she was the best. She was actually bossy and very negative but she wanted to be my best friend, so of course I was willing to put up with that. I remember that day of the Christmas parade that year. Mama let me stay after school and walk uptown with Teresa. We had a little money and I remember going to the Dime Store and buying a record (probably something by Donny Osmond). It was the first time I had ever been anywhere without an adult and I felt very grownup! When we met up with Mama, Teresa asked her if I could go home with her and spend the night. (Now one of the rules of our household was that we could have no guests overnight because there were 5 of us kids that had to share a bedroom—there just wasn’t room.) Mama told her no—well Teresa wanted to know why, so Mama told her that if I went home with her, she would want to come to our house and she couldn’t because we lived in a “barn”. That seemed to satisfy Teresa, but it embarrassed me. Well, the next day at school, Teresa wasn’t my best friend anymore—in fact she wasn’t my friend at all anymore. She told everyone in the school that I lived in a barn and she would have nothing to do with me—I was devastated. It would be three more years before I had a best friend again.

Over the past five years, I have made friends with many godly women. I have been involved in a small group of women for the past four years and have grown very close to them. In the past year, I have been feeling a nudging from God that I am to lead a group of women. I have fought that—put it in the back of my mind and moved on more than once. But in the past few months, He has been convicting me that I need to step out in faith and lead a group of women. I finally got up the courage to tell my friends that I won’t be returning to small group. I told our leader and she seemed very supportive of the idea—so I just sent out an email to the rest of the ladies. I got one response that I would be missed but no one else responded. I felt doubts creeping in—what if this is not what I am supposed to do?—have I hurt someone’s feelings?—was sending an email the coward’s way out?—were they even my friends to start with?—how can God use me to lead a group of women when I have never been successful at friendships? All this to say—Satan uses what ever he can to cause me to doubt God and His work. He uses the area where I am most vulnerable to attack—he is a liar and a thief!

This morning my devotional was on Psalm 142 which David wrote in a cave when he was hiding from Saul. (From Beth Moore’s “David: 90 Days with a Heart like His”)

1.David prayed

2.David cried aloud

3.David poured out his complaint to God

4.He rehearsed his trust in God

5.David longed for God’s presence

6.David confessed his desperate need

I was reminded that I need to pour out my fears to God and just trust Him—He has a plan for me. I want so much to be in the center of His will –for Him to be glorified in everything I do. I know that I am not a natural leader, so this endeavor with have to be led by God—He will just use me as the vessel. I am willing Lord—Send me!

I am still not certain of the group that I am to lead, but I will continue to pray about it and I know that God will reveal it to me when the time comes.

Oh Lord, I pray that I will be obedient to Your will for my life and that whatever I do will be done for YOUR glory and not mine—because Lord, Your word tells me that You will share Your glory with no one! I love you, Lord Jesus! Amen.

Carried to the Table

Are your feet burning?

I remember when I was little, my mama told me about this man. I don’t know if he was related to her or just an acquaintance, but the old man was dying and he was not a Christian. Mama said that he was known for his mean ways and was proud that he was not a Christian. Well, when the man was on his deathbed, seems he started screaming that his feet were burning—not just crying but gut-wrenching wailing was coming from him. Mama said that he was crying like that because the fires of hell were lapping at his feet!

Well, fast forward a few years—I was out of high school and into the party scene. Some of my friends and I had big plans on that Friday night. We were going to a football game to watch our high school team play, but first we had to stop and get some alcoholic beverages. We were going down the road—I was riding alone in the backseat of the car and two of my friends were in the front (now I couldn’t tell you who they were for anything!). I had on blue jeans and tennis shoes and I remember my feet started getting hot—and that story my mama told me about that man started coming back to me. I took off my shoes and socks but that didn't seem to help-I thought I was going to die right there in that back seat—I was convinced that we were going to wreck and I was going to die and go straight to hell! That was a horrible, horrible feeling—something I hope to never experience again.

It is embarrassing to admit that I did things that I am not proud of before Jesus rescued me--and rescue me is exactly what He did. I was on the road to destruction all in the name of fitting in and having fun. I can remember that I didn't really desire to do those bad things, but it was a way to be accepted into a group of "cool" people. I shudder to think of the depths that I lowered myself trying to fill a void that only God could have filled--of course, I didn't know that at the time--I was just striving for attention and love. I just thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ for loving me and removing all the sins that separated me from Him. It is hard to fathom how He could still love me--but I know that He does!

Well, I know I will never experience the fear of going to hell again because I know that I know that I know that if I were to die tonight—I will go to heaven. I will take my last breath here on earth and my next will be in heaven with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is such an overwhelming sense of peace to know that I will get to spend eternity—that’s forever folks—with the One who created me. I just cannot imagine how it will be. I think about the judgment houses that I have been in the past with the final part being in heaven—and how I don’t want to leave! I can’t imagine how heaven will really be—I don’t think any of us has an inkling of just how wonderful it will be. Hope to see you there!

Isaiah 61

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes, the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

THANK YOU LORD JESUS!!

Fishing in the Rain

Yesterday, Eddie and I left home to go fishing at Lake Greenwood in the rain. We were not intending to go fishing in the rain, but it was raining when we left home and we had no idea if we would even be able to put the boat in the water. Fortunately, when we go there, it was very cloudy and it drizzled on us a little bit but within an hour, the sun was out and it turned out to be a beautiful afternoon. We caught a few fish so we were happy!

**Pictures were taken in September 2007 at Frogmore, SC

This trip reminded me of another time that we wanted to go fishing. It was right after Eddie and I had gotten married—we didn’t even own a boat so we borrowed my daddy’s boat. Of course, we didn’t have anything to pull the boat with so we also borrowed daddy’s van. It was on a Friday night and it was raining but we were convinced that the rain would pass. This was back in the early 1980’s, so there was no such things as cell phones or the Internet—things we take for granted now—I have instant weather on the desktop of my computer at all times and if I was on the lake, I could call someone at home and have them look online and see what the radar looked like. Some people even have radar service on their cell phone. Well, when we got to the Shrine Club, where we were going to launch the boat, it was raining pretty hard so we decided to wait it out. We waited and we waited—the rain grew heavier and heavier. Finally, we crawled into the back of the van and tried to take a nap but of course, I was afraid to go to sleep there—what if someone walked up and decided to try to rob us or something! I think we waited until midnight or so before we gave up and went home. I was so disappointed!

That disappointment reminds me of how much enthusiasm I put into things that I consider fun—like fishing, or decorating. or working on scrapbooks. Why then, do I not get as enthusiastic over sharing the Word? Our church is in the middle of a series of messages on being a witness. Last week, we were challenged to share our story with 2 people. How many people did I share my story with? Zilch—I am ashamed to say! Jesus commanded us to share the Good News—to be Fishers of Men—ahhh “FISHERS” of men—now that is one type of fishing that I should be doing-heck I could even do it in the rain! My challenge now is to share my story—surely I can do that!

Matthew 4:19 "Come follow me", Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."

Extraordinary Women

These are some of the extraordinary women in my life:

Leigh Anne, my mother-in-law, and my niece Andrea.

My mama--with Travis and Baker

Cindy and Kristy

Emily and me

Slow Fade

The song by Casting Crowns has been speaking to me this morning. The song is based on Psalm 1:1

Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

Do you get it? At first, he (the blessed man) is walking with God, not listening to advice from the world—then he is standing with God (not walking with Him, but still standing with Him) –then finally he is sitting (not growing, or maintaining, but just giving up). This Psalm illustrates how we don’t just one day quit being a Christian, a wife, a friend, etc. Most likely the change is gradual—slowly becoming detached from the emotions involved with the relationship. I see this alot in the life of Christians—like they are on fire for God and doing everything they can to develop that relationship along with working for the Kingdom. I think when they realize that they can’t always have a mountain-top experience and slowly fade from the disciplines that they should be doing until one day, they are no longer walking with Christ at all. I am afraid that I have been guilty of this many, many times. I know that I need to stay in His Word especially on the days when I think I can handle life on my own. I tend to become self-righteous—thinking that I can do this thing called life on my own when the truth is that I need to be growing in Christ during these times.

The evil one can come into your life and use common, ordinary things and slowly steal the joy of the Lord from you like a thief in the night. The childhood song, "Be careful little eyes what you see" takes on a new meaning. The things we allow into our lives by way of our senses--what we watch on TV, what kind of music we listen to, gossip, etc--affect us more than we realize. And we also need to realize that there are little eyes watching our every move--what kind of witness am I?


These are the lyrics:

© 2007 My Refuge Music/Club Zoo Music/SWECS Music (BMI) (admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

Be careful little eyes what you see
It’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Fig Newtons and Diet Coke

Do you have some you can call in the middle of the night—someone who is not family but a close enough friend that she is considered family? That is the question that was posed to our Bible study group last night. It didn’t take me but a moment to answer that question.

On February 4, 2006—a Saturday night and Eddie had just returned home from a men’s retreat in Woodstock, Georgia. He was running late getting home because one of the men had car trouble and they had to turn around to help them. Since he was late, we had just finished supper and I had saved him a plate. While he was eating and telling me about his weekend, the phone rang. It was my mama telling me that my brother had been air-lifted to Spartanburg Regional Hospital—they weren’t sure if he had carbon monoxide poisoning (he was working on his race car) or a stroke, but mama was upset when she told me that they weren’t sure he was going to make it. So we jump in the car—I drive because Eddie had been driving all afternoon. When we get to the hospital, we were told to go into the family room right off the emergency room. The doctor came in and told us that Rick was brain-dead and that he would die in the next few hours. Well, after consoling Mama and Tammy (Rick’s wife), Amanda (his daughter) and Justin (his son), I went back to see him—I was not prepared! It was his body, but he wasn’t there—the only thing sustaining his life were the machines that forced air into his lungs. Gone was the talkative, never meets a stranger brother that I have always known and loved.

I called my Aunt Cookie and told her then I called my other brother Jerry and told him—I had been trying to call him (as had Mama before I got there) but his cell phone has no reception at his house and he was on the internet (he only has dial-up).

Then, I called my friend Kristy. I told her what was going on and asked her to pray and to call Emily (another friend). A little while later, Kristy called to tell me that she and Emily were on their way to the hospital. When they got there, it was late—probably around 11 or so. They stopped on the way and picked up a Diet Coke for me (they know me so well) and Emily came prepared with Fig Newtons in her purse. They stayed with me until around 3 or 4 a.m. and I was so thankful for them being there. It was such a sacrifice on their part—Emily had a 2 month old at home and she was on a—how shall I say it—schedule for feedings. Kristy had her family at home all snuggled in bed—I know how much she loves her sleep! But for them to be there for me at that difficult time means more to me than they will ever know.

Every time I see or think of a Fig Newton, I think of my dearest friends, Kristy and Emily. I love you both and I thank God for your friendship!

Left to right--Kristy, Leigh Anne, me, Emily--taken April 2007.

Me, Saul??

I am currently studying "David: 90 days with a heart like his" by Beth Moore and it is wonderful! I am being challenged daily--yesterday the scripture was 1 Samuel 9:14-25 and I found that Saul suffered from low self-esteem---imagine that!
In 1 Sam. 9:21 "Saul answered, "But am I not a Benjamite, from the smallest tribe of Israel, and is not my clan the least of all the clans of the tribe of Benjamin? Why do you say such a thing to me?"
This is what Beth has to say about that: "How do we distinguish between godly humility and low self-esteem? One key lies in our focus. A person with godly humility looks to the Master. He or she neither exalts nor denigrates self, because to do either is to make self the center of our universe. when we're really serving Christ, our reputations and abilities simply cease to be so important. We must decrease so that He may increase."
Also, " ... a lack of confidence does not equal humility." Wow!! That really spoke to me because I have such a hard time accepting compliments or praise for something done well. Even though, deep down, I know that I did a good job, I don't want to appear boastful--which brings us to todays lesson.
From 1 Samuel 10:17-27 we learn that Saul was also a people pleaser. From Beth: "Rather than gratefully rejoicing in the privilege God was freely extending to him, Saul's concern ran to himself and what others would think of him."
Question in my book: " What has this desire caused you to do or not do in the past?"
My answer: It has caused me to make poor choices in the past and it has caused me not to grow in Christ like I should because I was too busy trying to please others and worrying about what others would think of me.
This is a wonderful study--something that I look forward to getting up for every morning!